The Name War

The moment I found out I was pregnant with Gracie, I knew two things: I was having a girl, and we would name her Gracie. I don't know how I picked her name. I didn't go through a list or agonize over it like I did my boys (we decided on Caleb's name in the hospital parking lot), I just knew it. I never considered any other names. But as my due date grew closer, we decided we should make her given name Grace, because it would sound more mature when she grew up, and call her Gracie. So from day one she was Gracie to everyone but the doctor's office, who have to call her what's on the birth certificate. No biggie.

Fast forward to kindergarten.

At kindergarten orientation, her teacher gave me a name tag that said Grace. I took it and said, "Oh just so you know, she goes by Gracie." She looked at me very seriously and said, "We don't use nicknames. Children need to know their proper name."

Oh.

So all year the school called her Grace. I continued writing Gracie on everything- backpack, lunchbox, notes to the teacher, permission slips- but they refused to call her Gracie. Now I know technically, I named her Grace. But can't I call her whatever I want? What about all the Roberts called Bobby? Or the Williams called Will? the Amandas called Mandy? the Katherines called Katie?

But now kindergarten is behind us. We have no one to report to, no stuff to label. Gracie doesn't even write her name on her papers. I could call her Boogerhead if I wanted. Sometimes I do.But guess what? Gracie will not stop writing Grace. Or introducing herself as Grace. She has been reprogrammed that she is Grace.

I gave her the choice. I asked her which she liked better. She shrugged and said, "either one's fine". So I told her to stick with Gracie, but she still goes back and forth.

It really bugs me. It's not the name itself so much as the knowledge that someone from outside our family made her switch. If she decided all on her own to be Grace, I would have no problem with it. But it was kinda forced on her. I've actually entertained the idea of legally changing it to Gracie, so there would be no more debate. But really, what a waste of time and money over an "i".

Now -this may sound like I'm making a huge deal out of nothing- but it seems to me like a good illustration of how school as a state institution undermines families. It's like while she was in those four walls I didn't even have a say in what her name was. And if I don't have a say in something as deeply personal as that, what else don't I have a say in?