Nostalgia

Fall is here,hear the yell
back to school,ring the bell
brand new shoes,walking blues
climb the fence,books and pens
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
 
Walk with me,Suzy Lee
through the park and by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we found
then safely walk to school
without a sound

Here we are,no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers,letters,learn to spell
nouns,and books,and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class,through the hall
teacher marks our height
against the wall

And we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that I sound funny
but she likes the way you sing

Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
when silly thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
that you and I will walk together again
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
We are Going to be Friends- The White Stripes

I am so glad we made the choice to homeschool. I am completely confident it's the right path for our family. I rarely worry about academics, or socialization, grade levels or test scores, or the slew of other topics I should be worried about. In my dark moments, it's pure nostalgia that makes me doubt.

I remember picking out my lunchbox for the year
My new saddle shoes
My mom doing my hair in pigtails and my bangs cut way too short
The way school smelled when you first walked in after summer break
My plaid uniform jumper
Show and tell
Wearing my tie on chapel day
Trading snacks at lunch-nobody seemed to have food allergies then
Reciting catechisms
I think about a hundred pointless little things, and sometimes, I think maybe school isn't really so bad. Maybe I'm making a big deal over nothing.

But it is a big deal. The mind is a funny thing, because even though my own school experiences were often less than ideal (and some were terrible), my brain can still trick me into feeling all wistful and gooey. It's amazing how conditioned we are. As much as I like homeschooling, there's still a part of me that doesn't like doing something "different" (even though it's not that uncommon anymore). Part of me that just wants to go along with the norm because that's just what people do. School is just part of growing up. Everyone does it and everyone hates it and then you grow up and laugh about it and send your kid there.

Of course I have to remember that I'm thinking about school twenty years ago, and it was a private, church-run school. School today is very different, as evidenced by the growing numbers of shootings, bullying, and hyper-sexual behavior of students... and teachers. And even twenty years ago my playground was more like Lord of the Flies than Sesame Street (in case you're wondering, I was the Simon of the group, and look what happened to him). But I sometimes wonder when we read a book or watch a show about kids at school, if Gracie feels like she's missing anything.

I think she is missing something.We all are. It's not school. It's the way school could be.

At any rate, when I get all misty-eyed and doubtful listening to The White Stripes, it helps to think of another famous school song:


We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the class room
Teachers leave those kids alone
Hey, teachers! Leave those kids alone!

All in all, it's just another brick in the wall  :)

My big, fat, happy family dilemma

It's already one of  "those" days. Within an hour of waking up, everyone was miserable. Gracie and Caleb started fighting over who-knows-what; she was on his side of the couch, he made a grumpy face at her, he bumped her, and Luke is just screaming because he has this one tooth coming in that can't quite seem to make it. The clincher came when I (foolishly) attempted to use the bathroom. As soon as I stepped inside I heard a scuffle, then the banging on the door. Caleb walked by Gracie and pulled her pants down. She yelled at him and sat down on the floor to pull them back up. When she did that, she put her toast down on the dirty, rock-salt covered floor. I told her now the toast was dirty and to throw it out. I might as well have kicked her cat in the head. The tears, the desperation. To think that I would make her part with this precious toast for the rest of eternity. The nerve. And all the while Luke is constantly scream-whining in the background as he violently chews the zipper on his pj's.

It's ok though, I can handle this. It is, after all, what I signed up for when I started having kids. But it makes me wonder, do I want to re-enlist when this tour is up? And more importantly, is it even up to me?

I started this debate with myself well over a year ago. I was still pregnant with Luke, and we "planned" on him being the last one. Then, as I read hundreds of pages of homeschooling info, I stumbled across quite a few homeschoolers who had families of Duggaresque proportions. I brushed it off, because homeschoolers can be extremists. But the subject nagged at me, until I finally started REALLY thinking about it.

I grew up in a conservative Baptist church. A few families had four or five kids, but most of them had two kids, just like my family. It was never, ever discussed, but it just seemed that you get to decide how many kids you want and then have them. And having more than three was just irresponsible. My grandmother, a feminist before there were feminists,even had a finger play for it. "If she had done THIS(crossing her fingers) instead of THIS(opening her fingers in a V), she wouldn't have had THIS(holding up all five fingers)!" she would hiss. It was clear to me, people who had lots of kids were pretty dumb. Still, it did seem to me that it would be fun to have lots of brothers and sisters to play with.

As my wedding day approached I went to the doctor and dutifully obtained my prescription for birth control pills. I took them for a few months, and I could never put my finger on it, but it always felt wrong (it wasn't until years later that I learned about the abortifacient aspect of them). One month before our first anniversary, I was pregnant. Completely and totally by surprise. We were pretty upset, but quickly got over it. We knew if we were having a baby, it was because God wanted us to. Gracie turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. We adjusted pretty well; I stayed home with her and Jeremiah showered her with attention when he came home. Parenthood suited us. We talked about having another baby and since then the years have been largely consumed by having or not having a baby. And let's just say only one of my kids has been "planned".

But now here I am, questioning who I am to "plan" a baby anyway. Doesn't God ultimately plan them all?  I've moved beyond not using the pill because of the way it works to wondering if I have the "right" to decide who gets to be born anyway. I'm struggling with if it's ever ok to prevent a pregnancy, other than not participating in what causes it. If God is the author of life, why do I try to prevent it? I had an interesting thought- A man can kill someone, at any time. It's physically easy to kill someone. There are many ways to do it. We're all capable of it. But no man, no doctor, no scientist, can create a life. A husband and wife can go through all the right steps to get pregnant and still fail. Doctors jump-start it with test tubes and dishes using existing material, but ONLY GOD  can create it. We just can't do it. So if it's something so far out of our power, is it right to tamper with it at all?

But isn't it foolish to take no preventative measures? Won't you have 12 kids if you do that? Where will you get the money? You'll need a giant house.How can you spend time with all those kids? How can you give them all enough attention? Someone will always be left out. And forget going to Disney. How will you pay for college? Maybe God let us invent birth control so we can be responsible. But the Bible also says He will supply all my needs. And children are a blessing from Him. God never changes. Why would He give commands to "be fruitful and multiply"(Adam, Noah) speak of children as blessings, and then let us choose to stop at three? He repeatedly showed His power by opening the barren womb(Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth) Proverbs says blessed is the man who has his quiver full- his children will be like arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior.Pretty religious-extremist sounding, huh? But then consider that Islam is the fastest growing religion, not because of converts, but because they have lots of kids. Maybe if we as Christians stopped preventing children, there would be a lot more of us, and we could impact the world more. I also find it really interesting to consider the stand of the Catholic church. We as Christians are always quick to condemn Catholics. But historically, both the Christian church and the Catholic church forbade birth control.. It wasn't until the last century that the Christian church cracked under pressure from its members and condoned it.The Catholic church didn't budge on that one. Maybe family planning is one big lie Satan told us to make the Church shrink...and shrink...and shrink...

By now you're probably thinking, "Ok, Colleen has boarded the crazy train. First it was the homeschooling, now she's gonna be barefoot and pregnant till she's 45!" Trust me this all SOUNDS crazy to me. Sometimes I HOPE it's crazy. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to produce children indefinitely. I have lots of things I want to do. For one thing I would like to start going to the bathroom in peace. I would also like to be thin again and have some clothes that aren't stained with spit-up. I would like to eventually travel with human beings that can walk unassisted and not take a 40 pound double stroller and 30 pounds of gear everywhere I go. I would like to sit down to a meal without first cutting up three platefuls of food. I love love love my kids. I don't wish this time away, but I also have the feeling that I don't want to stretch out the baby stage for another decade. But I'm struggling with it just the same. When I think about a Sovereign God controlling everything it all seems pretty black-and-white. But when I think about applying it to my own life it fades to gray.

Jeremiah has no problem having no more kids.He feels God gives us guidance and lets us decide how many kids we want. That is a nice,comfortable view, and I wish I shared it. It would make my life so much simpler. Sometimes I think I should leave it all up to him as my head and not worry about it. Wash my hands if you will.

I don't have the answer. Part of me is scared to find it, because it might require a level of obedience I don't want. I know obedience always brings blessings. It's just that when I think of those blessings being more little people, I feel a little bit sick... and yet to this day I have never met a large family that is unhappy. But I've met plenty of small ones. Maybe because the large families have parents who are truly unselfish.

Seven

"Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man."
"Give me a child until he is seven and I care not who gets him thereafter".

Both these quotes are attributed to early Jesuit founders. I remember reading the second as a high school student, and even then, with motherhood years away, it left an impression on me. The idea that a child's first seven years were so impressionable, so important, that if you did a good job then you had little to fear. The idea that a child's character is more or less sealed by then. Is that true? Is it possible that your whole belief system, your values, are dependent on the first seven years of your life? I believe so. The Bible tells us, "Train up a CHILD in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Not "train up a teen", or a "tween"(I hate that word anyway), but "train up a child".

I forgot the quote until last year. We had already been considering homeschooling, and God brought that quote back into my mind. I more or less made my decision then. My duty as a parent became perfectly clear.

Today Gracie turns seven. It really feels like a milestone-kind of birthday to me. She's still little, and yet today, it seems as if she's crossed some invisible threshold. She's growing up, learning new things, and forming her own thoughts and opinions. She constantly amazes me with her creativity and with her humor. I'm impressed by the almost adult level of conversation we sometimes have, like the ones we've been having lately about our spring veggie garden and plans for baby chicks. And yet she's still 100% kid, playing crazy made up games, making huge messes, and yes, fighting with her brother. I don't fool myself that she's perfect. She has years of growing ahead, years that will be filled with both right and wrong choices, with triumphs and tears. But if the Jesuit motto is any indication, I think she'll turn out pretty good.

Christmas and New Year's

Except for Caleb and I both being sick on Christmas day, we had a great holiday season. Of course, most of our learning centered around Christmas, and one book we focused on was "Clown of God" by Tomie dePaulo. It's part of our Five in a Row curriculum and using that as a springboard we also learned about Italy and treatment of the elderly. We had Gracie fairly young, and in addition to both sets of grandparents, she also has 3 great-grandmothers and one great-grandfather. My grandmother is the oldest at 89, and showing consideration  towards elderly people is something that really applies to her life, but isn't always easy for a kid to understand. The manners book I mentioned in my last post has a section devoted to relationships with the elderly, and we used that to start our discussions.

After that, we just made stuff! I was extra glad to have Gracie home to enjoy all the craftiness. The great thing about kids is how much they enjoy simple things. One of the things that intimidated me before I started homeschooling was how I was going to think up enough nifty crafts. But one afternoon we made paper snowflakes and Gracie remarked over and over how cool they were. All it took was some paper and scissors, and my kids had hours of fun. Plus my windows looked really cute. We also made some angels for the tree, super smell-good applesauce ornaments, lots of coloring pages, and of course COOKIES!! Here are some pictures:


                                       I know, I know. Caleb+ Scissors= Scary. But it went ok.

 These are the applesauce ornaments-

                                       

The cookies went like this:

                                       And here's Luke just cause I feel bad about leaving him out...

This week has been spent trying to re-group from Christmas. My house still looks like a bomb went off and we are trying to find spots to keep all the new toys. "School" will start up again next week, and in the meantime I've been asking myself what I hope to accomplish in the New Year. I'm not completely sure what the answer is, but I have a few ideas....

1) Responsibility!
Over the summer, Gracie had a list of chores to complete throughout the day. It went well at first, then she started dragging her feet. And whining. And taking four hours to wipe the bathroom sink. Then we started homeschooling, and it was really eating into our lesson time. I finally scrapped it. But now she's had a few months to get adjusted to school, and the chores are coming back. She's about to turn seven, and she really needs to develop some maturity and be more responsible for her belongings and her time. She's also moving up to the next age group at piano lessons, and it's going to be a little tougher. I think it will be good for her to have to work a little harder.

2) No more whining!
This kind of goes along with the responsibility. The past two months, Gracie has gotten into the habit of whining about school work. Seriously? She has three worksheets a day (phonics, Bible, math) and the rest of the time she doesn't even know we're doing "school". But she whines about the worksheets, especially phonics. At first I was going easy, giving her breaks.I didn't want her to get a "bad taste in her mouth" about school, but now I'm over it. Suck it up kiddo.

3) Find some more friends!
I know what you're thinking- "I knew it! homeschoolers have no friends!" not true. Gracie has friends. But I would like her to make a few more, and it would be a plus if they were also homeschooled. We've honestly put ourselves out there- gone to park day, rollerskating days, a field trip, and a monthly class at the Wetlands- and we still haven't managed to make any solid friendships. Rollerskating, for example, was all older kids. Nobody seemed to show up at the park. I've been friendly to other moms, but it's been HARD. Hard, because they've already done this, and have their group of friends established. They don't "need" us. Hard, because homeschoolers convene from all over, and a few nice people I've met live pretty far away. Hard, because some mornings Gracie insists on walking like a velociraptor in public.
I have wondered if I made a mistake by not joining the co-op...but then I think of all the extra pressure it would have been, and I know I couldn't have handled it this year. MAYBE next year...

Looking over this list, it seems like I'm making all the goals for Gracie, as if she is solely responsible for how school goes. For any of this to be accomplished, I have to not be lazy, be well-prepared, be consistent. Really, any goal I have for Gracie is also a goal for myself. Except the whining. That's her problem.

So overall, I would just like to develop some more routine and structure, while still remaining relaxed. Luke has really started settling into a schedule lately, and I think now things might start to run more smoothly. Christmas was a much-needed break, and now I'm itching to get going again!

Minding Your Manners

Ok, I am going to sound like an old grandma here...but kids today have absolutely no manners. I'm not talking about which fork to use- that's etiquette, and I'm not too worried about that. I'm talking about basic please-and-thank-yous, excuse me's, common courtesy. I can't tell you how many times I'm out in public and I see kids being just plain obnoxious. Running through stores, bumping into people (I told you I would sound like a grandma),whining for things they want, and interrupting their parents while they talk to someone. This is exactly how I don't want my kids to act.

My son is the worst offender. He wakes up about 7 every morning, marches out into the living room, and names his demands. "I want apple juice and Cheerios!" he doesn't even say good morning. One time he left out "I want" and simply declared, "Apple Juice!" Then as I am pouring the apple juice, he demands it four more times. Another obstacle to good manners is his complete lack of volume control. This morning in ShopRite he shouted, "Do you hear that OLD LADY laughing?" Yes, and now I SEE her giving us dirty looks...

The good news is, Caleb's lack of manners stems from his age. With time and training, he will learn not to behave that way. What bothers me are the older kids who still act like Caleb. This is not from immaturity, but from a lack of respect. I want my kids to be respectful. I don't want a bunch of self-centered brats. We live in a society of entitlists who don't think they or their kids should have to defer to anyone. Their kids are better than others and they don't need to say sorry if they knock mine over on the playground, or excuse me if they walk on my heel while they are texting. They seem to think practicing some manners would reveal some sort of character weakness, but in reality, the opposite is true. Manners show you are strong enough to put others first.

This is one area Jeremiah and I try to emphasize a lot with our kids. As six and three-yr-olds, we don't expect them to be the picture of perfect manners, but we do expect them to be courteous.That's why when I found a library book this morning called "Everyday Graces: A Child's Book of Good Manners", I was pretty psyched. It's a collection of poems, excerpts from stories, and even Bible verses, all teaching a lesson about manners. Some of the authors quoted are: Mark Twain, L.M. Montgomery,Robert Louis Stevenson, and C.S. Lewis, and some of the chapters include: Honoring Your Mother and Father, Helping Out at Home, Kind Words, Taming the Tongue, Befriending the Elderly, and lots lots more. I am definitely going to get my own copy and incorporate it into our lessons.

And, before you write me off as completely antiquated, the back cover says, "It's also a book of manners for rock stars"-Bono

Christmas is coming...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, homeschooling, books, all that good stuff...let's talk about CHRISTMAS. More specifically, the terrible time I am having trying to decide what to get Gracie. Gracie is a hard kid to buy for. She likes everything, but nothing in particular. She is interested in a wide range of things- dinosaurs, animals, art, cats, fairies, space, the ocean, Australia, bugs, sharks...you get the idea. So pegging down exactly what to get her makes my brain hurt.

Caleb is sooo easy. For all the hard times he gives me in other ways, he is so easy to please. Caleb's interests(after purposely driving me mad) go like this: 1)Thomas, followed by all other trains 2) Construction vehicles of any kind 3) pieces of wood 4) tools on which to bang said pieces of wood. Lately we have been having problems with woodstove kindling disappearing, only to find them holding up sections of Thomas' tracks or Lincoln logs. So this Christmas, Caleb is getting a huge set of big wooden blocks, a really cool working scoop loader, and a crane that goes with his Thomas set. Easy.

Back to Gracie. Now, I am usually impervious to the siren's song of name brands, and even pride myself on finding some really original, significant toys for my kids. With the exception of American Girl dolls. Those little harpies screech to me from every catalog "Buy me!"... "No me!"..."Buy us both!" On top of that, they hurl threats at me "Felicity will soon be gone! Buy her now before she's locked in the vault FOR-EV-ER!" (or until you find her on ebay). I don't know what it is about them. I love that they're all from a time period, so you feel like they're educational too. If I was filthy rich I would include American Girl doll books in our history lessons and buy every doll that went with them. I love that they look wholesome.I love that they have a "girl-power" vibe without being feminist.Maybe it's because I remember drooling over the catalog as an 8 yr old, back when it was still Pleasant Company and you could only choose from Kirsten, Samantha, or Molly. After pining away for a year and a half, my dreams came true and I got a Kirsten doll. It was all I hoped for, except her hair was horrible as soon as I brushed it (now they have the doll hospital for that). I loved the books just as much as the doll, and had the Samantha and Molly books too. After a few years I outgrew her, and my mother short-sightedly gave her, along with her blue bed and quilt, to a younger girl from our church. Then, last year, they retired her. I almost cried.

So over the past few years, the American Girl catalog has found it's way to our house. Gracie looks through them, and expresses interest, but never in a specific doll. I always thought it was something we'd get when she was older, but then this year, the 2010 doll of the year is Lanie, "an energetic girl who explores the world in her own back yard" She's blonde, and you can purchase an outfit that includes rubber galoshes. Gracie anyone? Her accessories include a jar of bugs, binoculars, and also woodland friends, a fox, an owl, and a squirrel. And, Yes, I totally recognize that Lanie is pushing the liberal environmentalist "Go Green" agenda.
But love is blind.

 

(Notice the Dorling Kindersley Field Guide to Birds?!)

We go to a monthly class for homeschoolers at the Wetlands Institute, and I can just picture Gracie now, releasing hatchling turtles into the ocean, rubber-galosh clad Lanie in tow.

Gracie...starts talking about Bitty Babies(?!)

Bitty Babies are adorable too, and you have to admit there's nothing cuter than a 6 yr old pushing a doll stroller. I want to get her what she wants...but Lanie is only here for THIS YEAR!! Yes I know! I am a complete sucker for their marketing ploys!

To make things even more painful for me, they also make "Bitty Twins" which look exactly like Caleb, which I have been forbidden to buy. (Although I have to admit the thought of two Calebs makes the side of my face twitch)

I should add now that I don't even really like dolls. Just these dolls.
If Gracie doesn't make up her mind soon, I am seriously going to put Lanie on my own wish list :)

Better Days

This week has gone a lot better than the last few, thanks mostly to some more tweaking of our system and a mattress pad. Yes, a mattress pad! Luke was still not sleeping at all during the day, and waking up every hour during the night. He always fell asleep in our arms, and as soon as he hit the crib, he was awake and screaming. I ended up putting him in bed with me a lot, and every time he zonked right out. So I thought that the crib mattress being so hard might be the problem. I got the mattress pad Monday, and he only woke up twice. Then Tuesday he took a TWO HOUR nap(!) and slept that night from 10-5. What a difference some sleep makes...

I also started "officially" including Caleb in our lessons. Every day he would ask, "You teach me?" so instead of waiting till he naps(which is never guaranteed anyway), we read the FIAR story with him and then while Gracie does seatwork he gets a coloring page of a shape, letter, number, or, Thomas the train(I don't tell him Thomas isn't actually "schoo-work", as he calls it) He's a smart little bugger and has known the alphabet since he was two, which further proves that kids are learning all the time, as I never taught him any letters. I still don't know how he picked them up.

After that we break for some lunch, then I do try to get Caleb and Luke to sleep, and Gracie and I work on phonics and math. I like to have at least math with no interruptions, as this seems to be what she is least interested in. Phonics is a breeze, but I am still doing the easy lessons because they include some good rules, and the easiness boosts her confidence anyway.

Then, for Bible, I passed the buck to Jeremiah. I wanted him to be included in some way so that Gracie would look at him as someone to learn from too, not just "Mom is the answer person". So they do that after dinner, which also frees up time for me during the day. We use Christian Light Bible, which I have to say is kind of dry and predictable. Every day is the same, read the passage, read the story, color the picture. I will definitely be looking for something else next year. Anyway, Jeremiah is doing really great with that, he taught her how to look up verses, which I didn't think to teach her yet. He also asks her to read as much of it as she can, and I was really, really surprised by how much she could read! I just take for granted that "it's the Bible, she can't read that yet", so it was really cool to see Jeremiah bring something out of her that I didn't even know was there.

I also ordered a 30-trial of the Muzzy Spanish program. I have been looking at programs since before we started, but I didn't know what was good, and they're always over $100. A lot of them had books for parents to read, which wouldn't work for us because I would mispronounce everything! I remembered Muzzy commercials from when I was kid and looked it up. It think it's mostly DVDs and CDs, so I don't have to do much of the teaching. ( I do know "taco", "burrito", and also, "cinnamon twists", lol) We can try it free for 30 days and if we want to keep it, we can pay monthly for 5 months. It is definitely becoming more and more useful, almost necessary, to know Spanish, and now is the time for them to learn it. Maybe I'll pick some up too. I am pretty excited about it.

Lastly, the biggest change of all- I started relaxing. One day I was doing the dishes, after making applesauce all morning. Luke was screaming, the house was a mess, and there was still school to do. I was getting stressed. My heart started racing like it was in my throat. Then I realized, this is ridiculous. Who am I trying to impress? Jeremiah doesn't care. My kids don't care. Why do I care? I don't have to bake all morning and clean the house and do schoolwork. I was making myself unhappy, and if momma ain't happy... it's true! My kids will never look back and remember that there was dishes on the counter in 2010. But they will remember if I was miserable. So I let it go. As long as we have clothes to wear, dishes to use, and clean bathrooms, we're good, and I can use the weekends to get caught up. I have the whole rest of my life to clean my house, but I only have a few precious years to raise my kids.

Besides, when they're bigger, they can clean it themselves :)