This summer I will have a five year old. I can hardly believe it myself, but my little buddy Caleb will be five. Because of this, the question keeps coming up..."Are you starting kindergarten with him?" To which I reply, "Have you met Caleb?"
Caleb is a smart kid. He's smart in his own right, and he also picks up a lot from his big sister. He is eager to learn new things, and enjoys being read to. He's known the alphabet for years. He can count pretty high and he also does addition in his head with M&M's, without ever being taught ("Mommy can you give me two more so I have seven? Cause five and two more makes seven") He can locate our state on the map. He also impressed me by memorizing the entire Lord's prayer at Bible study.But he's also very small for his age. He doesn't always talk clearly. He is just now starting to color. I can't think of anything crueler than making him sit at the table and try to write something with a pencil.
Which brings me to my point. Being smart doesn't always mean being ready. And by forcing something before it's ready, you run the risk of stunting it. I really believe that a large majority of the kids in remedial classes in public school are not any less intelligent or even able than their peers- I believe they were forced to start schooling before they were ready. If they were given the chance to wait until they were ready, they would have been considered on par with their peers.
A lot of my feelings on the topic of readiness come from teaching preschool. Before I had kids I wanted nothing more than a career in Early Childhood Education. I firmly believed in great preschools and getting kids "ready for kindergarten". But while I was teaching, I saw things happening that I knew in my gut were wrong. Kids crying every morning, all year, because they didn't want to leave mom. Four year old boys trying so hard to hold a pencil in their fist and scrawl their names until they were near tears. Getting my fingers nipped while I tried to hold papers for three year olds to cut with safety scissors, hacking away in any direction. And the perpetually worried parents- is he "behind?" will she be ready for kindergarten? These kids were not dumb, but they couldn't handle this stuff yet. They just weren't ready. They weren't supposed to be!
Then I took an awesome college course taught by a professor who also ran a Montessori school. It (well, she) totally changed my view on education, and in retrospect, laid the foundation for our family homeschooling. She talked about kids learning through play, learning from the world around them. About how play IS their work, about how playing pretend is actually a pre-reading skill, about how stacking blocks is math and emptying cups in the bathtub is science. It led me to view a child's development as the building blocks of their education. Even with Gracie, who is eight now, a lot of my focus in more on development than content. The content will always be there for you to learn. But you have to be ready to receive it.
So no, Caleb will not be starting kindergarten. He won't even be starting preschool (isn't it all pre-school?) He will be playing until his heart's content, and probably learning more than I could ever teach him.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Some things I've learned
With baby number 4 on the way, I feel like I should be doing something to get ready. When I found out we were having Gracie, I hit the ground running. There were a million things to do, a whole world of gear and accessories unfamiliar to me to learn about and then purchase. Not to mention the mental preparation. Nine months did not seem long enough.
This time, I'm just, well, waiting. Actually I don't feel like I'm waiting, because with three other kids here I sometimes forget I'm pregnant. I have no anxiousness. No impatience. And pretty much nothing to do baby-wise. I have girl clothes. I have boy clothes. I have a car seat and a high chair and a boppy and a bumbo and a double stroller and 2 diaper bags. I'm pretty much set.
Comparing this pregnancy to my first got me thinking about how much I've learned since baby number 1. I'm not saying I'm a baby expert, because every one is different. But it did get me thinking about the things I've really needed and used over the years and things that were just a waste of money.It also got me thinking about how many things I used to needlessly worry about. Here are some random reflections on those things.
Baby wipes warmers
Life is hard and wipes are cold. The sooner your baby figures this out, the better.
Boppy
You need one. I didn't have one the first time. I got one the second time around and realized how much easier breastfeeding was. Plus when they're super little you can prop them up in one to watch TV while you take a nap. just kidding.
Nursing cover
Back when I had baby number 1, we were still doing it the old fashioned way, holding a blanket between our teeth and hoping the wind didn't blow. Nursing covers are awesome.
Baby bathtubs
I never used a baby bathtub. I thought it was just easier to wash them in the sink. When they got a little bigger, I used the foam things they can lay on in the big tub.
Diaper stackers
What a waste of money. They look really cute in the nursery, but when you're dealing with a real blowout the last thing you want to do is try to reach through some pretty fabric and wriggle the diaper out.
A really good thermometer
These can get expensive, but just buy one. When your baby gets sick, you will feel so much better if you can get an accurate temperature. I need one. I am still wrestling my son to the ground like a greased pig to hold the thermometer under his arm.
Potty chairs
Potty chairs= twice the work. You have to empty it and clean it, plus clean the toilet. I like the little seats that sit right on the big toilet.
A playpen
If you have the space and a kid who won't scream in one, playpens are a great way to keep your baby safe while you get some things done. They can also keep things safe, like your Christmas tree. I have had several Christmas trees safely enshrined by a playpen.
Anti-tip brackets
'nuff said
Baby monitors
Maybe my kids are just exceptionally loud, but don't worry-you'll hear them when they wake up.
Nursing clothes
Nursing clothes are ok, but I found it's easier and cheaper to just buy a nursing camisole. You can wear it under all your usual clothes and still comfortably nurse the baby.
Swaddlers
When Gracie was born I would wrap her in receiving blankets which she would promptly kick off. Now they make these little baby-straight jackets that velcro in place and keep the baby snug and calm. Except for Luke. He used to just bust it open Incredible Hulk- style.
Hand me downs
Hand me down save you tons of money and time shopping. I've saved all three of my kids clothes and shoes. However, I've learned that, unless you're an exceptional laundress, some things aren't worth saving. These include onesies, washcloths, and socks. All three seem to get so stained and worn out that I just use them for rags and buy a fresh set for each baby.
Nurseries
Every woman dreams about the perfect, precious baby nursery. You can get complete sets with crib skirts and curtains, wall decals, and matching lamps and switch plates. But these things cost a ton of money, and chances are by the time your baby is three they'll have developed their own interests and tastes and you'll be replacing the Beatrix Potter collection from Pottery Barn with Thomas the Tank Engine from Target. You can save money by just buying a few pieces from a set and adding cheaper, coordinating pieces. Crib bumpers, curtains, crib skirts, and sheets are all things you can save money on. So splurge on the quilt and buy plain sheets.
However, if I have a girl this time, I have no intentions of following my own advice on this.
Sleep: The Holy Grail
Every one has their opinion about how to get a baby to sleep well. There are books and methods devoted solely to this topic. Your mom and mother-in-law and granny and friends will all tell you how to do it. From swaddling to cereal to co-sleeping to crying-it-out.
Well, I am here to let you in on a little secret: there is no secret! You will either have a baby that sleeps or a baby that doesn't. I know no one wants to hear that, but it's true. It all depends on your kid. Gracie slept through the night at 6 weeks old and has continued to sleep well ever since. Caleb still does not sleep through the night. I kid you not. That kid still gets me up at night and wakes every morning at 6:30. Luke is in the middle. He goes down pretty well but sleeps lightly.
Getting up at night is just something you have to get through. When you're in the middle of it, it seems like you will never sleep again. But, eventually, it will pass.
Don't be obnoxious
When I was a new mom, I was under the impression that everyone I knew was just dying to hear all about my baby. I would bore people with all the mundane details about her sleeping habits, eating habits, and doctor's visits. As soon as she started doing things, I would bore them with more details about how advanced she was. 8 years and three kids later, I cringe at how obnoxious I sounded. I was amazed by this thing called motherhood, and thought everyone else should be sharing in my wonder at that moment. They weren't. Save your gushing for the grandparents and spare the 22 yr old single guy at Bible study.
Do it your way
When you have your first baby, everyone wants to tell you how to take care of them. I remember the nurse in the maternity ward telling me not to wash her eyes with soap (really?). Then when you have another, they want to tell you how to manage all the sibling stuff. Old biddies will raise their eyebrows and make comments about them not being dressed for the weather or how the older sibling is going to start acting out now the new baby's here. It used to ruffle my feathers, but I learned to let it slide. I'm their mom, and I know what's best for them. Listen to good advice, but remember that you don't have to do it any way but your own.
This time, I'm just, well, waiting. Actually I don't feel like I'm waiting, because with three other kids here I sometimes forget I'm pregnant. I have no anxiousness. No impatience. And pretty much nothing to do baby-wise. I have girl clothes. I have boy clothes. I have a car seat and a high chair and a boppy and a bumbo and a double stroller and 2 diaper bags. I'm pretty much set.
Comparing this pregnancy to my first got me thinking about how much I've learned since baby number 1. I'm not saying I'm a baby expert, because every one is different. But it did get me thinking about the things I've really needed and used over the years and things that were just a waste of money.It also got me thinking about how many things I used to needlessly worry about. Here are some random reflections on those things.
Baby wipes warmers
Life is hard and wipes are cold. The sooner your baby figures this out, the better.
Boppy
You need one. I didn't have one the first time. I got one the second time around and realized how much easier breastfeeding was. Plus when they're super little you can prop them up in one to watch TV while you take a nap. just kidding.
Nursing cover
Back when I had baby number 1, we were still doing it the old fashioned way, holding a blanket between our teeth and hoping the wind didn't blow. Nursing covers are awesome.
Baby bathtubs
I never used a baby bathtub. I thought it was just easier to wash them in the sink. When they got a little bigger, I used the foam things they can lay on in the big tub.
Diaper stackers
What a waste of money. They look really cute in the nursery, but when you're dealing with a real blowout the last thing you want to do is try to reach through some pretty fabric and wriggle the diaper out.
A really good thermometer
These can get expensive, but just buy one. When your baby gets sick, you will feel so much better if you can get an accurate temperature. I need one. I am still wrestling my son to the ground like a greased pig to hold the thermometer under his arm.
Potty chairs
Potty chairs= twice the work. You have to empty it and clean it, plus clean the toilet. I like the little seats that sit right on the big toilet.
A playpen
If you have the space and a kid who won't scream in one, playpens are a great way to keep your baby safe while you get some things done. They can also keep things safe, like your Christmas tree. I have had several Christmas trees safely enshrined by a playpen.
Anti-tip brackets
'nuff said
Baby monitors
Maybe my kids are just exceptionally loud, but don't worry-you'll hear them when they wake up.
Nursing clothes
Nursing clothes are ok, but I found it's easier and cheaper to just buy a nursing camisole. You can wear it under all your usual clothes and still comfortably nurse the baby.
Swaddlers
When Gracie was born I would wrap her in receiving blankets which she would promptly kick off. Now they make these little baby-straight jackets that velcro in place and keep the baby snug and calm. Except for Luke. He used to just bust it open Incredible Hulk- style.
Hand me downs
Hand me down save you tons of money and time shopping. I've saved all three of my kids clothes and shoes. However, I've learned that, unless you're an exceptional laundress, some things aren't worth saving. These include onesies, washcloths, and socks. All three seem to get so stained and worn out that I just use them for rags and buy a fresh set for each baby.
Nurseries
Every woman dreams about the perfect, precious baby nursery. You can get complete sets with crib skirts and curtains, wall decals, and matching lamps and switch plates. But these things cost a ton of money, and chances are by the time your baby is three they'll have developed their own interests and tastes and you'll be replacing the Beatrix Potter collection from Pottery Barn with Thomas the Tank Engine from Target. You can save money by just buying a few pieces from a set and adding cheaper, coordinating pieces. Crib bumpers, curtains, crib skirts, and sheets are all things you can save money on. So splurge on the quilt and buy plain sheets.
However, if I have a girl this time, I have no intentions of following my own advice on this.
Every one has their opinion about how to get a baby to sleep well. There are books and methods devoted solely to this topic. Your mom and mother-in-law and granny and friends will all tell you how to do it. From swaddling to cereal to co-sleeping to crying-it-out.
Well, I am here to let you in on a little secret: there is no secret! You will either have a baby that sleeps or a baby that doesn't. I know no one wants to hear that, but it's true. It all depends on your kid. Gracie slept through the night at 6 weeks old and has continued to sleep well ever since. Caleb still does not sleep through the night. I kid you not. That kid still gets me up at night and wakes every morning at 6:30. Luke is in the middle. He goes down pretty well but sleeps lightly.
Getting up at night is just something you have to get through. When you're in the middle of it, it seems like you will never sleep again. But, eventually, it will pass.
Don't be obnoxious
When I was a new mom, I was under the impression that everyone I knew was just dying to hear all about my baby. I would bore people with all the mundane details about her sleeping habits, eating habits, and doctor's visits. As soon as she started doing things, I would bore them with more details about how advanced she was. 8 years and three kids later, I cringe at how obnoxious I sounded. I was amazed by this thing called motherhood, and thought everyone else should be sharing in my wonder at that moment. They weren't. Save your gushing for the grandparents and spare the 22 yr old single guy at Bible study.
Do it your way
When you have your first baby, everyone wants to tell you how to take care of them. I remember the nurse in the maternity ward telling me not to wash her eyes with soap (really?). Then when you have another, they want to tell you how to manage all the sibling stuff. Old biddies will raise their eyebrows and make comments about them not being dressed for the weather or how the older sibling is going to start acting out now the new baby's here. It used to ruffle my feathers, but I learned to let it slide. I'm their mom, and I know what's best for them. Listen to good advice, but remember that you don't have to do it any way but your own.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Going Crazy
So, as some of you have heard, baby #4 is due August 31! So far, the response I've gotten the most is, "I thought you were done?" to which I reply, "I was". But no, this baby was not a surprise. I just changed my mind.
Well, I changed my mind a hundred times. I was done. No I wasn't. Yes! I was. But maybe... it went on, and on for months. I was losing sleep.I couldn't think about anything else. I was getting obsessed. What should I do? I would tell Jeremiah something different every week- sometimes I would change my mind the same day!(he's a very patient man) I pride myself on being a pretty practical, down-to-earth kind of person, but I literally felt like I was losing my mind. Babies are powerful things.
Finally, we realized this wasn't going away, and the best thing to do was just go for it. It was scary! Another baby is going to make things crazy around here (more crazy!) ! But we knew in the long run, in the big picture, it will all be worth it. To look back one day and have no regrets, no what ifs? To have another person in our family to love and be loved by.
So the past few weeks have been busy. We really want Gracie to have her own room, (she shares with Caleb now) even if this baby is another girl (fingers crossed!!) We started turning the office area I'm sitting in now into a bedroom. Jeremiah's been sheet rocking and hammering up tiles and rewiring electrical outlets. We've been picking out furniture and carpet and paint. Baby #4 will be the first one to have a real "nursery", and Gracie will finally have her own bedroom. In some ways the baby I was afraid would complicate things is actually helping them fall into place.
There is one area though I AM freaking out about- school. The baby is due right when we usually start. I have a hard time keeping Caleb and Luke busy as it is- what's going to happen when I throw a nursing baby into the mix? To be perfectly honest, the first few days after we found out, I was starting to think about "real" school again. Maybe it would be better- Gracie would have a more structured day. She could take the bus, so I wouldn't even have to drive her. The responsibility would be off my shoulders. Someone else could worry about it. But is making her get up to ride the bus for an hour fair? Making her sit through busy work when she could be doing something more constructive? Miss out on our field trips and classes at the Wetland's Institute? I had no peace about it. It felt all wrong. Someday, it might be the right thing for us. But not yet.
So, I am still trying to come up with a game plan. One idea is to finish up 2nd in the spring and jump right into 3rd over the summer, then stop when the baby's born for a few months. The we could finish up 3rd later in the year on "schedule". I also looked into Switched on Schoolhouse, a completely software-based curriculum she can do on her own. It even plans lessons and grades for you. It would free me up to take care of the little guys but I'd still be available to help her when needed. It sounds great, but I've heard both really positive and really negative reviews. And I'm not sure I want her in front of a screen that long- I'm worried about her eyes, and carpal tunnel! Or, I could just relax. Not worry about it so much. Read some good books while the baby's sleeping. Teach her life skills about taking care of babies. Man that sounds great.
I do know, whatever we figure out about school time, I'm not letting anything take away from time with this baby. Baby #4 will forever be the baby of the family, and I plan to spend many hours cherishing those moments, home with ALL my babies.
Song for a Fifth (or fourth!) Child
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Well, I changed my mind a hundred times. I was done. No I wasn't. Yes! I was. But maybe... it went on, and on for months. I was losing sleep.I couldn't think about anything else. I was getting obsessed. What should I do? I would tell Jeremiah something different every week- sometimes I would change my mind the same day!(he's a very patient man) I pride myself on being a pretty practical, down-to-earth kind of person, but I literally felt like I was losing my mind. Babies are powerful things.
Finally, we realized this wasn't going away, and the best thing to do was just go for it. It was scary! Another baby is going to make things crazy around here (more crazy!) ! But we knew in the long run, in the big picture, it will all be worth it. To look back one day and have no regrets, no what ifs? To have another person in our family to love and be loved by.
So the past few weeks have been busy. We really want Gracie to have her own room, (she shares with Caleb now) even if this baby is another girl (fingers crossed!!) We started turning the office area I'm sitting in now into a bedroom. Jeremiah's been sheet rocking and hammering up tiles and rewiring electrical outlets. We've been picking out furniture and carpet and paint. Baby #4 will be the first one to have a real "nursery", and Gracie will finally have her own bedroom. In some ways the baby I was afraid would complicate things is actually helping them fall into place.
There is one area though I AM freaking out about- school. The baby is due right when we usually start. I have a hard time keeping Caleb and Luke busy as it is- what's going to happen when I throw a nursing baby into the mix? To be perfectly honest, the first few days after we found out, I was starting to think about "real" school again. Maybe it would be better- Gracie would have a more structured day. She could take the bus, so I wouldn't even have to drive her. The responsibility would be off my shoulders. Someone else could worry about it. But is making her get up to ride the bus for an hour fair? Making her sit through busy work when she could be doing something more constructive? Miss out on our field trips and classes at the Wetland's Institute? I had no peace about it. It felt all wrong. Someday, it might be the right thing for us. But not yet.
So, I am still trying to come up with a game plan. One idea is to finish up 2nd in the spring and jump right into 3rd over the summer, then stop when the baby's born for a few months. The we could finish up 3rd later in the year on "schedule". I also looked into Switched on Schoolhouse, a completely software-based curriculum she can do on her own. It even plans lessons and grades for you. It would free me up to take care of the little guys but I'd still be available to help her when needed. It sounds great, but I've heard both really positive and really negative reviews. And I'm not sure I want her in front of a screen that long- I'm worried about her eyes, and carpal tunnel! Or, I could just relax. Not worry about it so much. Read some good books while the baby's sleeping. Teach her life skills about taking care of babies. Man that sounds great.
I do know, whatever we figure out about school time, I'm not letting anything take away from time with this baby. Baby #4 will forever be the baby of the family, and I plan to spend many hours cherishing those moments, home with ALL my babies.
Song for a Fifth (or fourth!) Child
- by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
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