Not One Day at a Time

"How's homeschooling going?"

That's the most common question I'm getting these days. Most of the time, it's from a family member or friend who is genuinely interested and is asking the question to be encouraging. But, every now and then, I can tell the question is being asked suspiciously, and the asker is waiting for me to admit colossal failure.I answer the question honestly (which right now is, "good but we're still trying to iron out some wrinkles").Then I usually get some more questions about curriculum, which is code for "are you really doing anything?"

Unlike most things in life, homeschooling ISN'T something you take one day at a time. To truly understand and appreciate it, you need to see the big picture. Gracie might not learn a new math concept every single day. It's not about that. It's about the process, about who she will be and what she will know in ten YEARS, not ten months.

It's like watching your kids grow. My parents live in Virginia, and when they come to visit after five months, they say " Oh my goodness, I can't believe how much the kids grew!". But I was with them every day, and didn't notice they had grown. I fed them nutritious food, and made sure they got exercise and rest. I knew they were growing, but I didn't see it happening.

One day I will wake up and say, "Oh my goodness, I can't believe how much the kids know!" because I was with them every day, and didn't notice how much they had learned. I "fed" them, made sure they "exercised" and even "rested". I knew they were learning, even if I didn't see it happening. 

I Hate Lifepacs

I wasn't so sure about them when they arrived, but I thought I should give them a chance, right? Well after about a week and a half with them, Gracie and I were both frustrated. There was this feeling of, "what's the point?" They didn't seem to have any content to them. Instead of actually learning anything, they were just full of exercises to complete.

The language arts was ridiculously simple, think preschool level. All Gracie did every day was identify a letter and its sound. Then she would trace it about three times, and circle some objects that started with that letter. EVERY DAY. The teacher's manual had no extra activities to supplement with. Then, they threw in all this confusing stuff. For example, for the letter "N" you were supposed to circle a picture of a knee. I checked the answer key, because I thought maybe they were trying to throw the kids off. Also, for the short "e" sound, they included a bunch of "ea" words, like head, bread, thread. Ok, what about when they read the words bead, meat, seat? Really poor quality in my opinion, which was disappointing, since it's an award-winning curriculum from a major publisher.

Then there was the math. It was all over the place. It followed no logical sequence, even though it was touted as a mastery-based program. One day you counted to nine. The next you were asked to identify the numbers smaller than 83. What? that came out of nowhere. No intro, no learning more than and less than, it just appeared on the next page. Horrible.

So that brought us back to square one, and the continuing search for "The One". I've really been trying to get outside the box. I have this vision in my head of the "perfect" homeschool set-up, a largely Charlotte Mason-inspired model, with lots of books and free time to read and explore ideas, craft supplies on hand, time to get off on tangents inspired by a particular interest. But when it comes time to buy books I chicken out and stick with the model I know, using workbooks as a crutch, fearful I might miss something, fearful of what people will think.

This time I decided to just go for it. I'm tired of worrying what someone might think if I don't have my kids tied to some workbooks all day. That's not homeschooling. I'm really sick of snide remarks and inferences that some day I will wake up to find my kids are social and academic morons. My friend Ramona put it best: "kids learn in spite of us". So true. You can't stop a kid from learning, even if you try. It comes as naturally to them as breathing. So with this in mind, I purchased Five in a Row. It's a different system than other curricula, and it was developed by a homeschool mom who is also a former teacher, which was a big selling point for me. A lot of curricula sold for homeschooling is the same thing used in conventional schools, which isn't what I'm looking for. Five in a Row is literature and unit study based, and it's more of a guide than an actual curriculum. You read one book(most are available from the library) for five days, focusing on a different "subject" each day. One day you study the geographical location of the story, the culture,the customs, the food. Then you put your "story tag" on the map to see "where you've been.". Another day you focus on the language of the story, learn some vocabulary words, and some spelling words. There is also retelling of the story through artwork or a craft to ensure comprehension, and dictation of a passage to practice handwriting. Another element of the story might lead you to study an area of science. You get the idea. It's more of a holistic approach, with each subject tying into one story, just like each subject ties into real life. It's not compartmentalized like a textbook, and it's highly customizable. If you read a story about China, and you really get into it, you can run with it and dig as deep as you like. You don't need to "do the next page" tomorrow. You can stick with something for a week, for a month.

The author is clear that you need to supplement with math and phonics programs, which is fine. This time I'm trying Adventures in Phonics from Christian Liberty Press and math from Modern Curriculum Press (I'm not totally opposed to workbooks, I just don't want an ALL workbook curriculum). Both the phonics and math have gotten good reviews as solid programs, and the phonics sample page included grammar rules, which was important to me.

I'm really looking forward to trying something different, and Gracie is too. It should all arrive this week, so cross your fingers for me...

To Co-op, or Not to Co-op?

A few days ago my friend Joyce (hi Joyce!) called and invited me to visit the co-op she is part of. Basically it's a group, limited to about twelve homeschooling families, who meet once a week for some informal "class" time, lunch, and fellowship. Throughout the year they throw in pizza parties, field trips, family nights when the kids can share what they've learned and the dads can get together, and an end of the year talent show.(I am told one child's talent was screaming!) The teaching is split up among the moms, with everyone taking a turn in their own child's class and another turn in the nursery. You do a unit study on the topic of your choice, building on it week to week, usually for about five weeks. When you're not teaching, you serve as an extra pair of hands to the moms who are teaching.

Sounds like lots of fun...and lots of commitment.

We attended their meeting this morning. Classes start in two weeks, and this was mostly a meet and greet and run-down of what goes on. When we arrived, Gracie immediately found a little buddy and was off playing. Caleb went to the nursery with a few other toddlers and played with blocks. I met the moms, all of whom were super nice. They were loud (in a good way)- laughing and joking, and catching up on what they did this summer.We went over the year's tentative schedule, then the kids met for assembly. They said the Pledge of Allegiance, then shared their joys("my tooth fell out" "I got a parakeet this summer") and their concerns ("I fell down playing basketball" "I got sunburned"). They prayed together, and then they would normally break into classes by similar ages, but today they just played.

My first thoughts on co-ops were, "why would I join a co-op and go to classes when classes are exactly what I want to avoid?" But it's not really like that. The classes are very informal, and they're unit studies, so they're really hands-on, with lots of crafts and projects and games. The kids learn and try their best, but there's no tests and grading and bells ringing. So it's not a group of homeschoolers trying to imitate school, as I originally thought. I have until they start in two weeks to decide if we're going to join, and here's what I'm thinking:

Pros-
Gracie and Caleb would both have regular time to play with other kids
We're "plugged in"; we're not just floating around in our own world, we're connected with other people who have similar goals and lifestyles
I can talk and share with other moms who know what I'm experiencing, we can discuss curriculum, methods, problems, whatever
They meet five minutes from my house

Cons-
Only one really, but it's a big one...commitment. Am I ready to commit to teaching other kids for five weeks, maybe more? Choosing a topic, finding books, preparing crafts and games?  I'm still figuring out how Gracie and I are going to do this ourselves, and I have Sunday school lessons to plan for every other week.

Gracie and Caleb both had a great time this morning, and while I'm not worried about socialization in the sense of raising awkward kids, I do want opportunities for them to develop meaningful friendships. And I could definitely use the support and wisdom of women who have been where I am now. It seems like a no-brainer, but I really need to pray and think about this one...

Take Two

I am a big subscriber to the Moore's methods of homeschooling. For those of you unfamiliar with Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore, they are considered by many to be the "grandparents" of homeschooling. Between them they have, like, a zillion year's teaching experience, have served as university administrators, homeschooled their own children, and have conducted many studies on education and homeschooling. One of the things I really like about their "formula",as they call it, is their blend of work-service-study. A child should have a fair amount of (unpaid) work to do. Chores. Helping with family projects. Working the family business, or farm. They should also be involved with serving others, the elderly, disabled, people in need. And then they should have time for study. If you think about it, their formula is what everyday life was like for people until about the middle of last century. One of the major underlying problems in our society, in my opinion, is a lack of work ethic. I believe children can and should be expected to pull their weight. Period.

So yesterday our church was having a work day in preparation for moving into our new building. One of the things on the list was weeding, so I planned to take the kids over in the morning. It would be a perfect opportunity to both work and serve.

I got Gracie up at 8 and she was not happy. She was pouting about getting up, pouting about working, pouting about eating. We got to the church to find the weeding had been done yesterday. Ok... I found a few small things for them to do, mostly picking up some trash and sweeping the floor, so the time wasn't totally wasted. We stayed about two hours, and during the ride home Gracie announced, "My arms are too tired." "For what?" I asked. "Schoolwork!" Oh boy.

I let her chill for a while. We have been reading a few books about Johnny Appleseed, and I rented the Disney video from Netflix. So we watched the video, and then we read our last two books. She was pretty into it, and after that she spent about an hour making a Johnny Appleseed craft of her own design. She was coloring and cutting and made paper-doll type figures that could stand up. I was pretty impressed, and although we didn't follow any kind of lesson plans, I felt she was getting some history and literature, and then art out of it. Of course, Gracie can make art out of anything. That's the kind of unit-style learning that sounds super cool to me, but I just can't wrap my brain around how to work it all out yet.

Working in the afternoon seemed to work really well yesterday, so I planned on doing it again today. I gave Gracie the run-down when she got up this morning. We ran to the store this morning, then the kids played and had lunch. I got Caleb in for a nap at 1. Gracie was just kind of hanging out, not involved with anything. I told her it was time to start. We read the Bible lesson, which took about two minutes to read and was very story-bookish. It was about Adam and Eve's home in the garden, what kind of animals they might have played with. Then there was a coloring page with hidden animals to circle. This is the kind of "work" she would do for fun, like a "Highlights" magazine, right? Gracie sits at the table and groans. "What's the matter?" I ask. "My stomach hurts". "Ok. Go take a nap. You can come back when you feel better" She explodes into tears and runs, wailing, into her bedroom. I unload the dishwasher. Five minutes later she's back, composed. "I'm ready". Great. We finish the Bible page, which takes about a minute and a half. I'm such a slave driver. Then we have a page of math. Circle the numbers that are bigger than 25. Easy. Not for Gracie. I feel so bad for the kid. She has no idea what it means. She can count to 25. She can count to 100. But she can't make the connection that 100 is more than 25. So I count out beads to try to show her. We use a number chart to find which numbers come before/after, but I'm still not sure she gets it. Math is something we are going to have to take really, really, slow. The page is really short, but it takes about 30 minutes, because I'm trying to help her understand, and she's getting really frustrated.

We break for some chocolate chip cookies.

Now on to language. This is ridiculously easy compared to Math. Circle the words that start with "R". Five minutes. Done.

Social Studies. "I am special". We read how God made us special, and ways to communicate. Draw a line to the part of your body you use to read. Write. Talk. Another Five minutes. Done.

It's 2:40. Everything took an hour and forty-minutes, and that included one meltdown and one cookie break.
Time for literature. We are almost done "Little House on the Prairie". Gracie asks if we can read on the porch swing. Awesome idea, Gracie. We read one chapter, then she went out back to play.

I'm not sure how I feel about the past two days. I don't like telling you Gracie had a meltdown and didn't want to do any work, and that we only spent five minutes on language and she had a hard time with math. But that's what happened. I liked the laid-back, Johnny Appleseed stuff, but we need more content than that. I loved reading on the porch swing. We'll do more of that. And the cookies... I liked the cookies...

My Own School Experience

I'll never forget the way I felt the first time a teacher told me "You have a gift. I rarely see a student who 'gets this' the way you do. You should really move forward with this". I was overwhelmed. I felt a surge of pride, and yet humbleness. Someone believed in me. I felt special. Appreciated.

I just think it was a shame I had to wait until college to interact with a teacher like that.

The first time I came across the term "burnout" referring to kids in school, I didn't get it. Huh? kids, getting burned-out? They're kids! They get up, someone makes them food, washes their clothes, drives them around, what do they have to be burned-out about?

Then I started thinking back on my own school experience. Part of my problem accepting homeschooling was the sense of nostalgia I felt about school. Red apples and crisp white paper and No. 2 pencils. New backpacks and saddle shoes.*sigh* School was great. There were so many great memories...like that time...wait that was bad... or when...no that embarrassed me... that great teacher...what great teacher? The more I thought about it, the fewer truly positive experiences I had in school, and the ones I did were either just playing with my friends or in an extra-curricular setting, band or Bible quiz team. Everything else had sucked. And I thought about my grades. In elementary school I was a straight-A, happily over-achieving student. By middle school I was falling behind in math, and by high school I gave up. I didn't even try. It wasn't until college, when I was able to choose the majority of my classes, study on my own and pursue my interests that my grades went back up.

I started school young. I went to a private Christian school that included a K-4 class. So at 4 1/2 I rode the big yellow bus for an hour, got to school where I sat at a desk, looked at the blackboard and wrote in a workbook. We had lunch and recess, a short rest time, and got back on the bus at 3. Kindergarten was more of the same.

Then came first grade. I don't wish my first grade experience on anyone. I had the worst teacher you can imagine. Her name was Miss Schaffer. She was young and looked like Miss Piggy. She had big blonde hair and bright pink makeup. She was overweight and would sit at her desk with her shoes off and eat lollipops in front of us. And boy did she have it in for me. I can remember looks of disdain and even the hateful way in which she said my name.

One time I was supposed to have my mom sign that I had done my homework. I did my homework, but the slip of paper she was supposed to sign had fallen out in my desk and never made it home. My life was over. Miss Schaffer would unleash her wrath on me. What should I do? I knew how to spell my mom's name, but I could only print. My mom would sign in cursive. I got the slip out and crookedly scrawled "Carla" across the top of my paper in the best cursive I could manage. I knew my last name was impossible.

I handed in my work. My face was hot. My heart was in my throat .She looked it over. "Did your mom sign this?" she squinted her eyes at me. "No."  I felt proud. I had told the truth. I started out bad, but I had made it right. She would tell me what I did was wrong, but she was glad I told the truth. I would lose my recess, but I didn't mind, because I deserved that. "Go stand in front of the class".

"Boys and girls, everyone look at Colleen." They all stared at me. My knees were shaking. "Colleen is a very bad person. She is a liar".

Then there was the time I broke my arm and needed surgery. I had climbed onto the washing machine to reach a chin-up bar in the doorway. I fell and broke it in three place. At the joint the bone actually snapped off and was just kind floating around in there. I had to have surgery and missed a few weeks of school. I came back, basking in the attention and cast-signing. Again, Miss Schaffer called me up front. To welcome me back, I presumed. Again the kids were instructed to look at me, and this is the message she delivered,

"Boy and girls, Colleen broke her arm because she was playing somewhere she shouldn't have been. Now God is punishing her. You should all learn a lesson from her."

What the heck?!

And the time I told her I was sick, and she made me eat my lunch anyway and then I threw up in the hallway. And the time she told me my hair was dirty. And when she told my brother he "ruined the concert" by singing so loudly. What hurt the most was when she told me my mom was very bad because she was divorced.

Second grade wasn't much better. We had Mr. Campbell. He never humiliated us, but he asked little girls to sit on his lap at his desk and he kissed them on the cheek. Then he asked my mom to borrow her car to take me and two other little girls on a field trip to Philly-with just him. Yikes. Needless to say, none of us went. The other two girls didn't return to our school next year.

The next few years were uneventful, with mediocre teachers. Third grade is the year I started falling behind in math. No one stopped and tried to help me understand it. I guess they didn't have time. So as the years went on, I fell further and further behind, a snowball effect, eventually ending up in remedial high school math and never recovering.

Maybe this sounds like a lot of blame-shifting. I should have tried harder in math. Asked for help. But remember I was a little kid! I couldn't be solely responsible for my education yet. I needed guidance. I'm not bitter, or resentful, I'm just recognizing that sometimes, the system fails, because it's a one-size-fits-all system, and kids, people, aren't made that way.

I was definitely burned-out by high school. I really didn't care anymore. I didn't try. I didn't know where to start. I forgot a lot of my assignments, and just remember feeling lost and distracted all the time. I was drowning. I had no time management skills, and instead of stepping in, asking, "What's going on? do you need some help?" I just got irritated remarks and looks of disgust from teachers. After one particularly horrible presentation in front of the class, one teacher said, " Go sit down. I don't even know what to say".

Thanks for your help.


So that is part of what I am trying to avoid by homeschooling. I want Gracie to know that, learning is fun, just as I have discovered, 11 years after school, it's fun. I'm not worried about cramming facts into her head at his point, but with helping her develop skills she can use to learn things herself .Observation. Critical thinking. The word educate literally means, "to draw out". That's my goal. To draw out those skills, her natural abilities, and show her how to make them work for her.

Testing the Waters

After window shopping and comparing for over a year, I finally ordered Gracie's first grade curriculum. I settled on a combination of two very similar curricula: Alpha Omega Publication's Lifepacs and Christian Light Publications. I combined them because using CLP is much cheaper, but I didn't like their LA or Math, so I got Lifepacs for those. AOP is an offshoot of CLP, and the scope and sequence is identical. Both programs include 5 core subjects (Bible, Math, Language Arts, Science and Social Studies), and both divide the lessons into 10 small workbooks, one for each month. So you just teach from the teacher's guide, and the student uses their workbook. No separate textbooks and test books and listening CD's. It seemed really simple, straightforward, efficient.

When it arrived in the mail. I tore open the boxes, eager to see what adventures awaited Gracie and me this upcoming year. Language Arts, Lesson One: Short "a" sound. Math: Count to 9. Uh-oh, they must have sent me kindergarten instead. I look at the covers. It's first grade. Well it must be review, it will get more challenging throughout the year. I look ahead several months...not really. I'm not sure what to do. Should I send them back? Use them and supplement where Gracie needs it? My goal, philosophy if you will, was to cover the basics gently, yet thoroughly, spending a small amount of the day on bookwork and the rest of the day involved with hands-on stuff: chores to develop real-life skills, baking, reading about interests,small science projects, nature journaling, and lots of outdoor play. I debate for several days, and decide to keep the books. I'd rather things be too simple than too advanced.

From there I start working out a schedule. I want to have order and routine, but still be flexible. I sit down with the books and lesson planner and schedule everything in for September, including vacation, playdates, roller skating day, and a once a month class at the Wetlands institute. It looks awesome. The only thing is I don't really know how long schoolwork will take each day. I decide to do a trial run on Friday, sort of an "orientation" day like schools have, and then over the weekend I can sit down with my planner and tweak things.

So Friday arrives. This is how the day should go:
6am-  get up,devotions, exercise, shower, make breakfast
7:30-Gracie gets up
8-Gracie eats breakfast, then does chores while I feed Luke
9-  Bible
9:30- Math
10- Language and reading
11- outdoor play
12-lunch

After lunch Gracie has free time while I get Caleb and Luke down for naps, then
2-2:30 Social studies or science(they are twice a week subjects)

This is how the day really goes:
2:30 am- Caleb sleepwalks into our room babbling stuff. Put him back to bed.
3 am- Luke is screaming. I change, feed, rock him. He is wide awake.
4:30- finally get Luke back to sleep
5 am- Jeremiah's alarm wakes me up, I go back to sleep
6am- Jeremiah wakes me up to say goodbye
(at some point during all this sleep-interrupting, I unconsciously turn my alarm off)
8:54 am-Gracie wakes me up out of a dead sleep. I get up and Caleb is in the kitchen with his rainboots on, which he only puts on to go outside. Looks like Gracie got me up just in time... I cannot believe I slept that late. I make breakfast, get everyone dressed, etc, and by the time I'm ready to start it's 10 am (Freddy jinxed me-he was teasing me that's when we would start) BUT, everything goes awesome. We do Bible, Math, and Language, and they all take longer than I expect, which is good. We play outside, have some lunch, and when the boys go to sleep I set up a short "a" scavenger hunt outside. Great day. I can't wait to do it again Monday.

We have a really full weekend. Lots of fun, but busy. Before I know it, next week's schedule gets jam-packed too. Probably the busiest week all summer.

Monday we have a playdate at 11, so my goal is to do Bible and Math before we leave, and the rest when we come home. This is one of the advantages of homeschooling, right? Flexibility to do things, yet still learn. But Gracie drags her feet getting up. She doesn't do her chores on time. She keeps daydreaming. She take 40 minutes to eat breakfast. No work gets done, but we have a great playdate. And I figure we're still ahead of the game because we did work on Friday. When we get home we are greeted by a ninety degree house. The AC compressor finally died. We knew it was coming but WHHYYyyy......

Tuesday my parents are coming over. We finish Bible and Math before they come, but Gracie is spaced out the whole time. We are all too hot. Gracie says her arms are tired (her go-to excuse for anything she doesn't want to do) When my parents arrive at 10 I let Gracie play with them. They leave around 2:30 and I get Caleb in for a nap. Almost 3. We are planning on finishing up, but Luke has rolled on his stomach and is crying. When I pick him up, there is blood in the corner of his eye! He's been scratching his face and now he's gotten his eye too. So I make an appointment with the doctor,spend the next 20 minutes getting ready to leave, and don't get home from there till 5 pm. Thankfully, his eye isn't scratched, but so much for the rest of the lessons.

That brings us to today. Today was a little better. We completed our lessons, but with the AC broken we are all pretty miserable. Everyone is sweaty. Luke is cranky, and his fat little neck is getting rashy. There were lots of interruptions. Lots of phone calls. Lots of Luke screaming. Caleb smooshing his hands in the triple paste jar. The rest of the week looks worse. Two doctors appointments and a playdate tomorrow, and Comcast will be here most of Friday. Not to mention what my house looks like. It's sloppier than my schedule. What was I thinking? Why did I start now? I thought I could fit it all in, but I was wrong, wrong, wrong!

It's too soon for us to try to schedule schoolwork around everything else. Maybe after we've got our routine down, we can do that, but the past few days have been all over the place, and no one is really enjoying it. That's a horrible way to get started! My parents wanted to come over again next week, and I told them no. I think I need a good solid week for us to get the hang of things before we start throwing stuff in the mix. Maybe longer. I hate being a stickler, and saying no to fun activities, but I'm gonna have to for a while. I feel like people aren't taking me seriously. This is work. It's like I picked up a part time job, and I've already called in sick a bunch of times!

So the plan is to keep the schedule clear next week. Get caught up on the housework this weekend, and start fresh on Monday morning, with the day and the week wide open. Hopefully we will have smooth sailing next week. Well, smoother.