"I am beginning to suspect all elaborate and special systems of education. They seem to me to be built upon the supposition that every child is a kind of idiot who must be taught to think. Whereas, if the child is left to himself, he will think more and better, if less showily. Let him go and come freely, let him touch real things and combine his impressions for himself, instead of sitting indoors at a little round table, while a sweet-voiced teacher suggests that he build a stone wall with his wooden blocks, or make a rainbow out of strips of coloured paper, or plant straw trees in bead flower-pots. Such teaching fills the mind with artificial associations that must be got rid of, before the child can develop independent ideas out of actual experience." -- Anne Sullivan

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Many Things

                                                                         

We all know one of those "perfect" women. You know who I mean- she's slim and perky, always dressed nice; she has four mild-mannered kids, and a beautiful, well-kept house. Like a "Better Homes and Gardens" house. She's always on time for church and Bible study and volunteers at her kids school or homeschools them all while still keeping that house immaculate. Meanwhile, you are struggling to keep it together with "just" two or three kids. There are no clean socks left and the baby is starting to smell funky. Your kids won't stop fighting and the dog just threw up. Your floor feels like flypaper and you are really, REALLY hoping that's chocolate over there. How does she do it? How come she can pull it off and you can't? If you're like me, you think she's just a better mom. A better person. A better Christian.

Being that woman has been my goal since I got married, even more so since I had children. For the past nine years, I have tried my hardest to be her. And I know I'm not alone. Being this June Cleaver-kind of wife is a recurring theme among Christian women. Visit any Christian bookstore and you will find whole sections on home management, cleaning, meal-planning, organizing. There's even devotionals on it. There is no doubt in my mind that many Christian women equate homemaking with holiness. After all, we're helpmeets, right? 

I was making fairly good headway being that woman.  Then, my husband was taken hostage. The company he works for took on several huge accounts. But they didn't hire anyone! He is now averaging about 70 hours a week. I don't usually see him till after the kids are in bed, and being the sole parent for all their waking hours is taking its toll. Not only being the only one caring for them, but being the only one disciplining them. Always feeling like the bad guy. So for the past few weeks, things started getting not-so-great around here. The housework started spinning out of control and I was tired of breaking up spats. Sometimes I was tired and let behavior slide. Other times I would snap. Caleb wasn't obeying well and Luke was screaming and Gracie was getting an attitude. There were lots of whiny noises and bossy comments. "What is wrong with these kids?" I wondered. "They're miserable". Then I heard words that seared like a hot knife: "They're miserable because you're miserable." 

That moment changed my life. I was doing everything backwards. I was worrying about keeping my house clean and my kids behaving. But it was like the white-washed sepulchers. It only looked good. Inside was bad attitudes and disharmony. Like Martha, I was anxious over many things, when only one thing was needful. I decided to choose the good part. I decided to worry about my kids' hearts and not their grubby hands. To worry about their walk and not what shoes they're wearing. To check if their minds are in order and not if their rooms are. I decided to bring them all to Jesus' feet, where we will sit, together, while He teaches all of us.

I think we Christian women need to just let it go. I really think Satan is using this perfect Christian-Betty Crocker-Martha Stewart ideal to thwart us. To make us less effective. To make us resent our kids. To store up treasures for moths and rust to destroy. I think instead of the benchmark of the perfect Christian woman being a lovely Yankee Candle-scented house it should be flour all over the counters from baking with the kids. Paper scraps on the floor from letting them be creative. Dishes piled up because you were busy reading to them. I think we should stop being concerned when our houses aren't perfect and start being concerned when they are.  Before we know it these little people will be gone and we will have nothing but perfect houses, filled with regret. Choose the good part!


                                                                                  
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